I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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