I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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