Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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