one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him