he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?