we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?