whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk