I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We're too hungover to prance.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.