i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize