I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize