This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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