fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Damn victory sex feels great
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
