you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize