my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
