Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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