Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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