he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
