I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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