U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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