Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want her autograph on my taint
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.