You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
40s are totally the cure
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.