The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.