i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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