so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
