He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
two words: eviction party
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
