it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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