Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
