I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
