Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
do nipples grow back?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
