my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it hurts more in the daytime
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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