Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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