I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I AM VODKA MAN
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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