If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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