What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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