you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize