so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
