Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
