and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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