this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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