The best revenge is premature balding
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.