I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
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Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane