Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.