dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.