Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.