I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia