Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.