At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
reminds me of losing my job
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?