and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize