there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
