So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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