After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
