last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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