No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
