U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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