I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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