So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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