We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
