There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."