He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!