life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.