"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere