careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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