Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he thought i was a dude.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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