So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize