Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
