I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.