He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?