i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after