What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am available for nakedness