Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?